You get to a stage in life where things no longer add up in the ordinary way.

The coincidences become too many. The numbers start appearing everywhere. The timing of things becomes almost ridiculous. You begin to notice patterns, messages, strange alignments, and moments that make you question whether life is as random as people say it is.

For me, that stage came around the age of thirty.

Then Dad died, and life changed completely.

His death opened something in me. It was grief, but it was also something more than grief. At the same time, I was going through domestic abuse, which is not a story for this page, but it formed part of the pressure that pushed me into a deeper spiritual awakening. I found myself asking whether I deserved what was happening, why my life had turned so heavy, and why everything around me seemed to be forcing me into a new version of myself.

When Dad died, I started reading his book properly. That was when things began to fall into place. I had always known I was different from other people. I had always had moments where wishes seemed to work, where I would know things before they happened, or where I could hear guidance that I later understood as clairaudience.

After Dad passed, the experiences became stronger.

I remember seeing both of my grandparents and my dad sitting at the end of my bed in spirit, discussing what needed to be done and how I should deal with selling the house. Strangely, it did not shock me as much as it probably should have. It felt expected, as if another layer of reality had simply become visible.

With that came other experiences that were far more frightening.

The only way I can describe some of it is as a kind of brain buzz. My brain would hurt and vibrate so intensely that it felt as though it was trying to escape my body. I would become paralysed, unable to breathe properly, and then feel as if I was being taken somewhere else. Sometimes I could control it, and many times I could not. It was terrifying.

At first, I thought I might be having some kind of sleep-related epileptic fit. I would wake up choking, frightened, and sometimes needing my partner to hold my hand so I could sleep without feeling as though I would be pulled away again. Looking back, I believe those experiences were linked to astral projection or astral travel.

Some of the experiences were hard to dismiss.

One of the most frightening involved a dream or vision of a woman trying to get into my house because of her drunk husband. The dream felt chaotic and intense. Three days later, a woman was actually at my door, bashing to get in and looking for her husband.

Other experiences involved sensing deaths before they happened. It would come like a wave, almost like the presence of the Grim Reaper. I would be shown what was coming, sometimes weeks before it happened. But what do you do with that information? You cannot simply walk up to someone and say you have had a message from spirit that they are going to die. You do not. You cannot. Sometimes the experience freezes you so completely that you cannot act on it anyway.

Trying to live with clairvoyance while going through an awakening was not easy. Messages seemed to come daily. I was then pushed toward the Law of Attraction, especially through Rhonda Byrne’s work. I read The Secret in about four hours, and it felt strangely familiar, as if I already understood the power behind it.

For years, I had hidden all of it — Dad’s work, the book, my experiences, my abilities — because it all sounded completely mad from the outside. But once I read his book properly, and then read about the Law of Attraction, something in me changed for the better.

I learned how to sit with myself.

I no longer needed constant outside distractions. I no longer needed other people to validate me, rescue me, approve of me, or tell me who I was. I began to focus on myself and on what I actually wanted my life to become.

At that time, I wanted to become a dental nurse and eventually pursue the dream of becoming a dentist, but family circumstances did not allow that path. A few years later, I tried to go to university to do a nursing degree, but I was told I did not have the qualifications. The following year, after a lot of manifestation, prayer, spells, focus, and stubborn belief, I ended up at university doing a law degree.

My qualifications had not changed.

That was when I realised this was one of my power tools in life.

I had used the Law of Attraction, energy work, and inner discipline to shift the direction of my life. Over time, I manifested many of the things I had asked for. I followed teachers and spiritual thinkers such as Ryan Cropper, Bentinho Massaro, and Sadhguru, using their work to compare my own inward experiences with wider spiritual teachings. One of the early things that stayed with me was Bentinho Massaro’s discussion around positive energy and water. I also watched a lot of Sadhguru because I wanted to understand how my own experiences related to other spiritual practices.

My awakening did not happen all at once. It came in waves over a period of years.

Before one of the strongest shifts, I had a powerful meditation where I saw my guides. They appeared as beings devoted to watching over me. It sounds mad, I know, but spiritually it felt grounding, beautiful, and deeply renewing. I used sound bowls and incense, and the whole experience felt sacred.

After that came a surge of energy through my body, rushing upward toward my forehead. It felt like a sudden third-eye opening — powerful, electric, and overwhelming. Once that part of me opened, I had to become much more careful about who I was around and how I used my energy.

When I am facing someone directly, head-to-head, I can feel energy projecting. They can feel it too. Sometimes it feels as if it can open something in them, but for me it becomes too intense and I have to turn away. The tingling can be too much.

At first, all of it felt bizarre. Then came the depression and the deeper inner work. That is the part people often do not understand about awakening. It is not all light, messages, signs, and beautiful energy. Sometimes it drags you through everything you have avoided. It can last a few days, or longer if someone is using substances or numbing themselves. It often comes with upheaval, emotional collapse, and a few catastrophic situations thrown in just to make sure you are paying attention.

Character building, as they say.

This is what many people call shadow work.

Shadow work is the process of looking honestly at yourself. Your personality. Your reactions. Your mistakes. Your wounds. Your behaviour. The things you controlled and the things you did not. The things you are ashamed of, and the things you should be proud of. It is about owning yourself completely.

That ownership is important because without it, spiritual awakening can become fantasy, ego, or escapism. You have to be able to look at yourself honestly. You have to become accountable. You have to stop blaming everyone else for every part of your life. At the same time, you also have to recognise what you survived and what was never your fault.

That balance is where real strength begins.

A major part of my awakening came while I was practising Kalandi tantric yoga meditation in 2018. I had my own personal guru teaching me. At the time, I was vegan and had no major toxicities in my body. I felt clean, clear, and open enough to experience the full benefit of the breathing exercises, meditation, and energy work.

This is also why health and sobriety matter so much to me now.

I do not drink.

I do not smoke.

I do not take recreational drugs.

I do not rely on medication unless there is a genuine need, because I believe many people become trapped in an endless cycle of numbing, suppressing, escaping, and then needing more of the same thing to function. That is not judgement on anyone else. It is simply what I have chosen for myself.

For me, a clear body helps create a clear mind. A clear mind helps create a clear heart. And a clear heart allows me to stay aligned with the universe rather than constantly fighting against it.

I have used the Law of Attraction, but I no longer feel drawn to use it for greed or shallow gain. I do not want to sit there trying to manifest things just to prove power, force outcomes, or chase material validation. That feels spiritually immature to me now.

Instead, I work with what the universe brings.

I move with the signs, the timing, the doors opening, and the doors closing.

I am not asking the universe for love, validation, or permission from other people. I am learning to stand strong in my own body, happy with the person I am, and grounded in the life I have built. That, to me, is far more powerful than chasing approval.

True alignment is not about getting everything you want.

It is about becoming the person who can handle what is meant for you.

It is about being sober enough, awake enough, and honest enough to recognise the difference between desire, ego, fear, intuition, and genuine guidance.

Now, I want to inspire the people around me by being fully myself. Not by pretending to be perfect. Not by claiming I have all the answers. But by showing that it is possible to survive, rebuild, awaken, and become stronger without poisoning yourself, losing yourself, or begging the world to love you.

I believe energy matters.

I believe what we carry inside us affects the people around us.

I believe that when your heart is clear, your intentions are honest, and your mind is not clouded by substances, you begin to radiate differently. You become more aligned with your own path. You attract differently. You stop chasing people who do not value you. You stop asking for seats at tables where your spirit is not respected.

Sobriety has become one of the most important parts of my spiritual and personal growth.

I do not drink. I do not smoke. I do not take recreational drugs. I try to keep my body, mind, and energy as clear as possible because I believe clarity matters. If the body is clouded, the mind becomes clouded. If the mind is clouded, it becomes harder to hear yourself properly, harder to trust your instincts, and harder to align with what the universe is trying to show you.

For me, this is not about judging anyone else. It is about knowing what works for my own body and my own spirit.

I believe that in order for a higher vibration to come through, you have to be open enough to receive it. That means clearing away the noise, the dependency, the need for validation, the distractions, and the things that keep people trapped in endless cycles. When your head is clear and your heart is steady, you can begin to work with the universe rather than constantly fighting against it.

There was a time when I used the Law of Attraction very deliberately. I understood it quickly because it felt familiar, as if I had already been using that power without having a name for it. Over time, though, my relationship with it changed. I no longer want to use manifestation for greed, ego, or shallow wants. That does not feel right to me.

Now I work with what the universe brings.

That does not mean sitting back and doing nothing. It means paying attention. It means noticing timing, signs, opportunities, people, warnings, and doors opening or closing. It means acting when the path is clear and trusting when something is being redirected.

The universe has shown me a clear path, and I feel secure in myself because of that. I know who I am. I know what I am good at. I know I have built enough skills through my life to use them properly now. Everything I have learned — the writing, the research, the genealogy, the law, the publishing, the business work, the spiritual work, the survival — has become useful.

Nothing has been wasted.

That is what alignment feels like to me. It is not floating around pretending life is perfect. It is being able to look at everything you have survived and realise that it has shaped you into someone capable, grounded, and strong enough to create your own destiny.

People have told me that I am glowing and radiating, and I understand why. It is not because life has been easy. It is because I have reached a point where I am happy with who I am. I am not looking outside myself for permission to exist, approval, love, or validation.

My worth is not measured by anyone else’s insecurity.

It does not matter whether someone thinks I should look different, act smaller, be quieter, be thinner, be softer, or make myself easier for them to understand. That is not my job. I am not here to validate other people’s egos or make them feel better about the parts of themselves they have not dealt with.

At this stage of my life, my focus is different.

I am business-minded. I know what I am building. I know where my energy needs to go. Love is still there, but it is not needy love. It is not codependency. It is not chasing relationships or begging people to fill gaps in me.

I have loved deeply throughout my life, but I have never needed to be dependent on someone else to feel whole.

Self-reliance has been one of my greatest strengths. It has allowed me to survive things that could have broken me, rebuild from nothing, and keep creating when other people would have stopped. That independence is not coldness. It is protection, discipline, and power.

For me, sobriety is part of that power.

A clear body gives me a clear mind. A clear mind lets me stay connected to my intuition. A steady heart lets me move with the universe rather than being dragged around by fear, need, addiction, or other people’s opinions.

That is where the real vibration comes from.

Not from pretending to be spiritual.

A great (small) question from a fan on youtube.
Asking why we have magic and dont need to use ritual books where as others do.

Define magic? Our clear sight and intuition is internal, much like fight or flight panic.
We dont need a book of spells to make us see clearer, or give us the ability to manifest, as most of us that can understand that our abilities are more prominant, or that we know that we have god within, we have the abiilty to create and are the govenors of our own destiny.

So lets dive deeper,
Why did these "occult ritual books exist" she asks on a video that does not mention solomons key, yes dad said rituals by solomons lot, so it needs to be addressed.

Firstly ive never needed a ritual book because i have never felt the need to control or use my abilities for dark purposes, I certainly do not and have never had a coven of witches skipping around a pentagram summoning demons to me thats all a bit far fetched. But i know that some people have tried this and is further fantasied in movies etc.

Ritual books did not appear from nowhere. They existed because human beings have always tried to make sense of death, illness, fear, misfortune, spirits, dreams, omens, and the unknown.

Long before medieval grimoires, ancient cultures were already writing sacred instructions for the unseen world. The Egyptian Book of the Dead is one of the clearest examples. It was not one fixed “book” in the modern sense, but a collection of spells and instructions designed to guide the dead safely through the afterlife. The British Museum describes it as a collection of magical spells used to help the deceased reach the afterlife, while the University of Chicago describes it as a series of spells promising transformation into an immortal divine state after death.

That tells us something very important. Ritual texts often begin when people believe the unseen world has rules, dangers, gatekeepers, names, tests, and powers that must be navigated correctly. The written word becomes a map. A spell becomes a key, name becomes authority. A priest, scribe, monk, or religious specialist becomes the person who claims to know how that world works.

By the medieval Christian period, this same pattern had moved into church and monastic manuscript culture. This is where things become more complicated, because many of the books later labelled “occult” were not created in some separate fantasy world outside religion. They were often copied, preserved, adapted, condemned, or quietly used by educated religious men, clerics, monks, physicians, astrologers, and scribes.

The Codex Gigas, also known as the “Devil’s Bible,” is a perfect example of that uncomfortable overlap. It was produced in thirteenth-century Bohemia and is now kept by the National Library of Sweden. It is famous for being one of the largest surviving medieval manuscripts and for containing a full-page image of the Devil. Yet it is not simply a “Devil book.” It contains the Latin Bible, historical writings, medical material, a calendar, prayers, charms, and exorcistic material. In other words, the demonic image sits inside a Christian manuscript world, not outside it.

That is the point people often miss.

The Church did not gain power only by preaching heaven. It also gained power by defining hell, sin, demons, possession, heresy, spiritual danger, and the need for mediation. Once people were taught that invisible enemies surrounded them, the institution offering protection, confession, exorcism, absolution, relics, prayers, blessings, and salvation gained enormous authority.

Banishing demons gave the Church weight. Naming evil gave it power. Declaring what was forbidden allowed it to police thought, body, belief, sexuality, healing, women, folk customs, and private spiritual practice. The more terrifying the unseen world became, the more necessary the official gatekeepers appeared.

This does not mean every priest or monk was knowingly manipulating people, nor does it mean every ritual text was officially approved. Many were condemned. Cambridge University Library notes that church courts pursued both clergy and laity for forbidden arts for centuries, while examples of medieval charms show practices being copied into manuscripts even when marked as forbidden by the Catholic Church.

That contradiction is exactly what matters.

The religious world created the fear, named the forces, preserved the language, trained the scribes, controlled the books, and then often condemned the same practices when they escaped official control. The boundary between prayer, exorcism, healing charm, protection rite, and “magic” was not always as clean as later people pretend.

Solomonic grimoires fit into this same pattern. Solomon’s name carried biblical authority, so later ritual writers attached his name to books of spells, seals, invocations, and ceremonial instructions. That does not mean Solomon wrote them. It means his reputation was useful. A text bearing the name of a biblical king sounded older, holier, and more powerful.

Ritual books were created for people who needed external systems: words to recite, seals to draw, spirits to command, demons to banish, forces to bind, and rules to follow. That is a very different thing from internal sight.

The real question is not whether these books exist. Of course they do.

The real question is who created the fear that made such books necessary, who claimed authority over that fear, who preserved the texts, who condemned them, who profited from controlling access to the unseen, and why people still confuse the existence of ritual manuals with genuine spiritual understanding.

Who benefited later, and the hypocrisy of anti-Church occult movements still leaning on texts and systems produced inside Christian manuscript culture.

The later hypocrisy is impossible to ignore.
Many modern occult movements presented themselves as alternatives to the Church, or even as rebellions against it, while still borrowing heavily from the very ritual structures preserved by priests, monks, clerics, and Christian manuscript culture. The seals, divine names, angelic hierarchies, conjurations, ceremonial tools, circles, invocations, exorcistic language, and Solomonic authority did not appear from nowhere.
Later groups and figures benefited from this inheritance.

The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn repackaged older ceremonial magic, Kabbalistic structures, angelic systems, Enochian material, tarot, astrology, and grimoire traditions into an initiatory occult order. Gerald Gardner’s modern Wicca presented itself as a revival of older witchcraft, yet it also drew from ceremonial magic, Freemasonry, folklore, romanticised paganism, and the occult revival.

Anton LaVey’s Satanism styled itself as an anti-Christian alternative, but its power still depended on Christian symbolism, Christian inversion, and the shock value of the Devil as defined by the very religious culture it claimed to oppose.

That is the oxymoron.

The people claiming to be free from the Church often remained trapped inside its symbolic machinery. They needed the Church’s Devil, the demons, the Church’s forbidden books, the fear, and the Church’s language of rebellion in order to sell themselves as different.

So who benefited?
Those who could repackage fear as secret knowledge.

Those who could turn forbidden manuscripts into movements, orders, books, initiations, lectures, status, notoriety, and money.

The Church first gained authority by naming evil and offering protection from it. Later occultists gained authority by claiming to reveal, reverse, or master the same hidden forces.
Different costume. Same theatre.
That is why these ritual books need to be understood properly. They are not proof of higher truth. They are proof of a long historical cycle: fear is created, authority is claimed, symbols are controlled, and then the next movement comes along and sells the same fear back to people under a new name.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why it is still a load of plop.

You are not suddenly free because you call it New Age, Wicca, occult wisdom, spiritual awakening, hidden knowledge, or a different pathway. If the system still relies on the same ritual structures, the same fear of unseen forces, the same hierarchies, the same invocations, the same forbidden books, the same promises of secret power, and the same need for someone to teach you what you apparently cannot access yourself, then it is not liberation. It is rebranded indoctrination.

The irony is impossible to miss.

Many of these movements present themselves as alternatives to the Church, yet they still borrow from texts, symbols, demons, angels, seals, rituals, and ceremonial methods preserved within the very religious manuscript culture they claim to reject. They dress it differently, rename it, romanticise it, monetise it, and sell it back as “ancient wisdom” or “hidden truth.”

But a label does not make you enlightened.

Calling yourself different does not mean you have escaped the system. Sometimes it only proves you walked straight into the same structure wearing a new costume, thinking the bow on the box made the contents original.

These labels do not define you. They often expose the lack of research behind the performance. Because once you understand where many of these ritual books, methods, fears, and symbols came from, the whole thing starts to look far less rebellious and far more recycled.

Different name. Same control.

Different costume. Same theatre.

And yes — still a load of plop.

And yes, I will probably lose people over this.

Some came to the Royal Dragon Court with their own confirmation bias already packed and polished. They thought they knew what it was. They hoped it would fit their preferred version of hidden knowledge, ritual magic, New Age labels, occult fantasy, or whatever spiritual pathway they had already decided was true.

But that is not research.

Research is not looking for whatever confirms what you already wanted to believe. Research means following the evidence even when it dismantles your favourite theory. It means asking where the books came from, who copied them, who benefited from them, who repackaged them, who monetised them, and why people are still using the same old systems while pretending they are free from them.

So if people walk away because I do not conform to the version of the Royal Dragon Court they invented in their own heads, that is fine.

It teaches one thing very clearly: I do not build my work around fantasy, flattery, or fashionable labels. I do the depth of research required to make rational and informed decisions.

And sometimes that means telling people the uncomfortable truth:

Different name. Same control.
Different costume. Same theatre.
Still a load of plop.

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A note to apparent authors, content creators, and self-appointed authorities:

You may not come to my page, scrape my research, repackage it into your latest clickbait post, and then present yourself as the authority over my work.

There is a very clear difference between academic structured research and conspiracy content that throws everything into a pot of misinformation for attention, views, and monetary gain.

If you want to discuss these subjects, do the work properly. Read the sources. Follow the manuscript history. Understand the context. Stop lifting from researchers, authors, and rights holders while pretending you discovered it yourself.

My work is not here to be stripped for content, misrepresented, dumbed down, or used to feed another person’s algorithm.

Do your own research.

And if you cannot do that, at least stop pretending you are teaching people something new